Stories

The following stories are from emails that women have sent me. I never expected to get such a response to my website and never suspected that this was such a widespread problem. If you have any advice for these women, send me an email and I can post it here as well.

An Email Conversation

I received an email from a guy that sparked an interesting discussion that I thought I would post here.

His email:

I came across your site by on google while I was looking for something else, and I won't dwell long.
Warcraft obsession is a passing phase for most people. If you make a lot of noise against people who play it you're making the phase last longer than it necessarily would.
You're actually helping Warcraft by doing this site. People look at it and say, 'hey Warcraft is not so bad, this chick is just an extremist nutter'.

I replied:

I understand your point. The website started as a joke amongst my friends because our husbands used to play all the time. It was only when I started getting these awful emails from random women that I realized there are a lot of people out there who are affected by this. Those stories that are posted are not made up, women really sent them to me, unsolicited. And I have gotten worse ones but haven't received permission to post them. Just because it's a "passing phase" doesn't mean that it doesn't do real harm. The purpose of my site is not to make people stop playing; it is to give women a place to go for support. In fact, the most recent email I received was from a woman who was contemplating divorce because her husband is so checked out of their relationship, his job, his life and she thought she was crazy. But then she went online and found the site and said it made her feel better because she knew there were other people out there. And it made her realize that they could get through it and he wouldn't play forever. Thanks for your input

His reply:

Well thank you for your reply. I can see that your site might make people feel better. I question whether scratching an itch, while making it feel better, is getting to the real source of the problem. So this woman with the husband who 'checked out of life', she found your site and now blames warcraft for her marital problems and failure of her husband to live up to her expectations. I don't see how the site has helped her to resolve anything, the site has just helped her misplace her anger. And i question whether people actually come to the site to realise that warcraft is just a passing phase for their husbands and things aren't as bad as they seem. I've seem several sites like this and all I see is unresolved vitriol pouring out. The sites never seem to follow up with any compromise endings, or sensible resolutions. They just leave you with that feeling that the sky is falling in.

My final reply:

I think that the women blamed WoW for their problems before coming to my site. After all, they find it by searching for "women against WoW" or some other formulation of that phrase. Of course, I have no idea what other issues exist in their relationships. Nor do I promise to fix any body's problems. I am not a counselor, psychologist, or medical professional. I don't think that I helped any of these women resolve their problems, except that it often helps just to know that other people have dealt or are dealing with similar issues. Support groups exist for everything: alcoholism, gambling addiction, eating disorders, grief counseling. That sense that you are not alone is huge. I also don't think it is necessarily bad in this case to have a place to vent. Yelling at your husband or significant other is often the worst way to change their behavior. So if you have a place to vent, where's the harm? As for the fact that there are no endings, compromises or resolutions offerred, maybe that's because life it messy. There are often no clean endings, compromises or resolutions to any number of situations. I hope that my site doesn't leave you with the idea that the sky is falling in. After all, my husband, along with almost all of his guild, has stopped playing and our marriage is very strong, partially because we got through it. Granted, there were other issues at the time, but WoW definitely amplified whatever issues were there and only served to increase the tension in our relationship. Maybe I can change the tone of my site to make it less "sky-falling-in-ish". After all, the game apparently gets boring after a while:) Thanks for your thoughts. It's the first email I have received that is not "pwnage on your life" or some such nonsense, which doesn't do anything but piss me off.

A New Baby

WOW is destroying my marriage. I don't really know what to do anymore. He says that it helps him relax...we have a 8 1/2 month old and he rarely spends time with him. Worst of all he totally flips if my son grabs for the mouse or keyboard. I am getting to the point where I no longer want him to come, just because I would rather not see him then see him playing that damn game! Please help...

A Suggestion for Parents

I got a good piece of advice from a mother of one of my niece's classmates. She too, is a WAWOW. She said that if the parents are in control of their child's subscription to the game, they have the ability to put a block on it. She had a problem with her 16 year old getting addicted to the game and she actually contacted tech support and asked them if they could block her son from logging on until she contacted them. The only reason why she did this was because her son was falling behind in his studies where it was getting to the point that he would have to repeat the entire school year. Luckily he didn't. But that is just one way parents can take control of a WoW addicted child.

A Broken Engagement

Thank God I have found someone who knows how I feel. Unfortunately I had to end my engagement and relationship with my ex fiance because his W.O.W. addiction was seriously ruining not just our relationship, but his relations with our friends, his parents, and the outside world. When we first started dating, it wasn't that bad. I even tried the 2 week free trial that the company offers and didn't end up liking it. Then it started with cancelations of dinners with friends, movie nights at home, and not visiting his parents. Finally it got to the point where he would refuse to sleep and go to work because he was in the middle of a Molten Core run (I have no idea what that is). I made the decision to take a stand and tell him that the addiction was not only affecting him, but everyone around him including our relationship. I told him "the game has got to be played at a minimum, or I am leaving you." Of course he chose the game. At first I was sad that he threw away our 1 1/2 year relationship away for a game. Then just a few months ago while at a Starbucks cafe near my home, I overheard a group of women talking about how this game was not only affecting their significant others, but their children or friend's children as well. I'm not saying that playing video games is bad, but there is something wrong when a person can honestly not pull themselves away from a game when their loved ones are telling them it is ruining their lives and family relations.

Last updated October 28, 2007